Ever lost yourself trying to fix somebody else? Have you tried to become something that you are not in order to make a relationship work? I have. It\’s called co-dependency and it would do many people good to do a little bit of research and see whether we have any co-dependent tendencies.
When I become accountable for someone else's selections I'm going to experience discomfort.
If my worth and value are based on decisions others make, then I am going to experience emotional pain when they don't do what I believe they should do. Narcissistic people like to make others answerable for their choices. This becomes awful when you are married to such a person or when you are emotionally invested in them. What do you do?
1. You have to find a chum who will tell you the God's honest truth and help you to find out who you are again without taking sides or judging. You will soon find that you have buried a lot of your emotions and convictions so as to make a co-dependent relationship work. Rediscovering the undeniable fact that it\’s OK to say, \”no\” can be really liberating and horrifying at the same time. Rediscovering the proven fact that you are allowed to have an opinion and express it will bring a genuine taste of freedom to your soul. Rediscovering that you don't have to make others contented all of the time and that your tastes and viewpoints are easily as valuable as anybody's is a moment that you are going to relish for the remainder of your life. 2. Learn with a little help from others you can set boundaries where you start and others end.
To explain, a co-dependent becomes so enmeshed with the habits, thoughts, words, wants and viewpoints of the greedy one that they can't remember where they end and where the other begins. Every person has got the right to assert, \”I do not like that\” or \”I like that even though you don\’t\”. It\’s alright to let other people know where your boundaries are and to speak up when somebody crosses those limits. If you don't like a certain movie or a certain activity, its \’ fine to say, \”I\’m not doing that, I don't like it\”. Rediscover \’you \’ and come out of that dark hole that you've been making an attempt to survive in and enjoy the liberty of being who you are without worrying about what the other one thinks.
Jesus modeled this kind of behavior in John 6 when the crowds got outraged at what He was evangelizing and left. Jesus simply turned to the few who stayed behind and said, \”Do you want to leave too?\” He didn't say sorry for what He said. He didn't tip toe around everybody that disagreed with Him. He spoke His convictions and lived by His private sentiments. He had integrity. Integrity essentially means you're who you are irrespective of what others feel or consider it.
3. Ask God to open your eyes to see the areas in which you have blindly become co-dependent
. As He shows you He will be able to also give you the strength, hope and capability to be who you are and let others be who they are. It's a great day when you ultimately stop trying fix others and you realize that they are accountable for their own actions as much as you are answerable for yours.4. Folks of Adult Children Can Easily Fall Victim to That Difficulty.
The daddy of the prodigal son failed to beg his defiant and self-indulgent child to stay. He also did not question himself and beat himself down with questions about where he went wrong. He simply let the young child go. The child, because of his willfulness, had to find out the painfulness of his own selfish decisions. When the son ultimately came to his senses and headed home the daddy was waiting to receive him into his life. The father didn't brow beat him nor did he say sorry for his actions as a father. He had the wisdom to see that the young man had come to his senses and required a pop who would really like him completely. There are times we need to let go and trust God with those who are closest to us. Simple? No! Liberating? Yes! The key to breaking free from co-dependency is an easy trust in Our Lord God to help other people see what you weren't able to show them. It's also solid trust in God that will give you the faith to see the blind spots in your own life without becoming defeated by them. Thank The Lord there's someone larger than you and me to help solve our most serious issues. Let go and let God!
Brian Zeng is sales manager of one of the led lights manufacturers ,he writes many articles about led traffic light.